- So you have just cleared out the cupboard of those old clothes that have been laying around for what seems like an eternity. With your sleeves rolled up, and with sweat on your brow, you now stare down at your ancient collection of old shoes. A grin begins to break upon your face as you wonder how you could have possibly been seen dead in some of those odd looking shoes, that seemed the raging fashion of the time.
Well let me tell you, before you condemn them out the door for all eternity, they can not be half as odd as some of the bizarre collection of shoes that I have recently stumbled across. After you feast your eyes upon this humble collection, you will realise that your old red platform numbers you now look upon with distaste, are so much more normal in comparison to these unearthly specimens. So with further ado I present my “Most Bizarre World Of Shoes“, guaranteed to make you gasp.
..’Women’s fashion is a subtle form of bondage. It’s men’s way of binding them. We put them in these tight, high-heeled shoes, we make them wear these tight clothes and we say they look sexy. But they’re actually tied up……. David Duchovny‘.
I guess we have all heard the expression walking on nails. How about walking on wire?
CAVEMAN STYLE
Well I guess for those with no time to shave your legs, these numbers would certainly blend with your hairy stubble.
STILT-ETTOS
Well I guess they need to straighten legs, just as braces are needed to straighten teeth.
THE WOODIES
Handy for those with surplus trees in their garden and have alwas desired to carve.
FLOWER DELIGHTS
For those who prefer art over foot strain.
THE BONDAGE SHOE
A much cheaper alternative to advertise bondage services than in the Yellow Pages.
CINDERELLA’S MISSING GLASS SLIPPER
For the dear little Princess inside every girl.
PUPPY LOVE
“How much is that doggy on your tootsies, I do hope that doggies for sale.”
Buy some portable Pups today guaranteed to screw you up even more. How good is that?
EXTENDIBLE FEET
‘Oh alack and alas,
My feet never grow,
If I whack them in these,
No-one will know’.
THE NATURAL THERAPY SHOE
Ever been late for your acupuncture appointment ? Well how about portable spikes, bound to do the job when you can’t get the job done. A free puncture guaranteed for every step you make.
THE MOLE SHOE
Brings out the ‘mole’ in every woman. These animalistic fur-balls will without doubt, lure the man of your dreams to your den of seduction. What a little tiger you are growl!
THE BLONDE SHOE
These ones are strictly for entertainment purposes. A bit like a Rubik Cube I guess. Give a pair to a blonde in your life for Xmas and watch her stand there for hours wondering how she will take her first step. Cheaper entertainment than going to the movies.
ALL IN ONE AND ONE FOR ALL
A total break through for woman across the globe. Slip them on and ‘presto‘ you are dressed with adjoining shoes, all in the one go. Did I forget to mention give it a few hours to put them on ?
THE GARDEN AERATORS
Still have a little energy leftover from your big day out. Do you feel like doing a little gardening ?. Well no-more do you have to buy tools to aerate the soil in your lawn. Yes that’s right, even for those who return home intoxicated, you can just stumble all over your prized couch lawn, as these little spikes dig up the grass with such ease.
